Totally Real City of

SULLIVAN, INDIANA

A message from our mayor:

Salutations!!

We hope you find something useful here. Or at least something to screenshot and argue about on Facebook.The Real City of Sullivan thrives on community. Also caffeine, gossip, and a complete lack of zoning enforcement. Let’s fix things. Or take a nap.Community nap-time, anyone?I do have plans for our city. They’re real plans. Real plans are plans that do exist in this moment of time and space. That’s what they are - totally real. YOU’LL SEE! YOU’LL ALL SEE!!!Mostly, I believe that everyone should take a chance and laugh. There’s only so much in this short life of yours that you can control, shouldn’t you laugh at the things you can’t?So when I say, Take Time to Laugh, I mean: take time to feel a little happier, a little less stressed.

Respectfully,
S. Nibbles
Mayor of Sullivan

OFFICIAL ARCHIVE:

July 13, 2025:

Mayor Nibbles in drag Presents:
GRANTS 101

GRANTS ARE LIKE YOUR EX, ALSO NAMED GRANT:
They look good on paper, Facebook loves them, but they’re high maintenance, full of conditions, and those dark pink flags end up just being red.Howdy, kids! Mayor Nibbles here to host an important TED Talk because the word ‘grant’ gets thrown away more often than ‘slander’ here lately. Let me just slip into something more comfortable…Puts on a dress and wig“Welcome to: GRANTS 101 BUT COMPARED TO ALL YOUR EXES!”🚶Matching Grant
“I’ll take you on vacation… but only if you cover the flights, hotel, and all the meals first.”
- Like when you have to pay $50,000 to get $100,000 worth of blacktop. Or, you know, whatever that grant’s for.🌼Sustainability Grant
“I got you a free car! Just cover maintenance, gas, and keep it spotless for ten years or I’ll repo it.”
- Who doesn’t love free flowers? Especially when we have to pay the staff, cover watering, weeding, and maintenance or risk paying it back.🏨Pre-Approval Spending Grant
“It’s giving: ‘Babe, I’ll probably go if you plan everything, pay for it, and impress me first.’”
- We pay for studies, designs, and early setup. If they like it, they’ll fund the rest. If not? We’re stuck with a half-finished project no one can afford.This has been your weekly micro-dose of a business degree. Stick around, next week we’ll reveal how knowing Mayor Nibbles personally beats any competitive or public bidding process for city vendors. 🫡🐿️#JustMayorStuff
#RunningACityIsSoEasy
#SquirrellyInSullivan
#SatireAndSquirrels
#SullivanIN

July 12, 2025:

Hometown Heroes Duke It Out!

🕷️Sullivan County hasn’t seen a group of heroes square off like this since Captain America: Civil War dropped in 2016.Matthew Price. Jason Bobbitt. Justin Copeland.
All three men have served our county and all three men want to lead it as the next Sullivan County Sheriff… 𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘴𝘵.❤️Matthew Price is the community-first leader: steady, involved, and deeply rooted in service.🤍Jason Bobbitt is the reigning champ: experienced, established, and already holding the reins.💙Justin Copeland is the fresh-faced wild card: enthusiastic, ambitious, and ready to throw his hat in the ring.It’s official: the masks are on, the gloves are off, and it’s up to the voters of Sullivan County to decide the victor come November. 🗳️#MayTheOddsBeEverInTheirFavor
#ShitWrongMovie
#SullivanCountySheriff
#ChooseYourFighter
#TakeTimeToVote

July 11, 2025:

Inconvenience? No.
✨Fancy Sidewalks.✨

Attention Citizens of Sullivan:You asked us to fix the roads.
Lower the sewage bills.
Deal with the flooding.
Support emergency services.
Use the TIF money responsibly.And we listened.
Then we ignored all of it.Because we’re proud to announce the real priority: closing the East Washington railroad crossing during 4H Week so we can finish the Sully Trail - a 1.5-mile walking path from downtown to the lake.Brilliant, right? Could we have picked a more convenient time?Sure, we could’ve fixed drainage. Or helped EMS. Or paved roads that don’t double as obstacle courses.
But we saw the bigger picture, we knew better than you what our city needed. And what Sullivan truly needed… was a fancy sidewalk.And hey, with the way those roads are looking, you’ll love that trail once your car gives up and walking’s your only option.You’re welcome, Sullivan.#WorthItInTheEnd
#TakeTimeToWalk
#SullivanNews
#Parody
#ResponsibleSpendingWho?

July 08, 2025:

The Washington Washover Project Files:

What do tornado funds, disappearing residents, and identical houses have in common?We’ll tell you.At first glance, the new housing development on East Washington looks like standard progress. Clean siding. Cute porches. Cookie-cutter charm.But look a little closer, dig a little deeper.What started as a city recovery initiative has turned into something darker.In 2023, hundreds of thousands in federal aid were allocated to help Sullivan rebuild after the tornado. Parks. Roads. Emergency services. And yet, very few actual repairs.Instead? A neighborhood that popped up overnight.The program behind it? A vaguely titled initiative called the Washington Washover Project. No council vote. No press release. No oversight.In November 2024, a former city staff member leaked internal documents showing irregular financial routing between the city, a Delaware LLC, and a construction bid marked “confidential use.” Two weeks later, the staffer disappeared. No trace. No record.No confirmation they ever even existed.Now the homes are listed under MSN Holdings LLC. And who else shares these initials? That’s right, 𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘰𝘳 𝘚𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘳𝘳𝘦𝘭 𝘕𝘪𝘣𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘴.No listings. No open houses. Just homes suddenly “rented.” And the biggest red flag thus far? Residents who moved into other MSN Holdings homes in other states have not been seen since.They said it was housing. They said it was help.𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬.#WashingtonWashover
#WhereDidTheMoneyGo
#AcornsAndLies
#SatiricalNews
#SullivanIN

July 03, 2025:

Please Forget All The Bad Things I've Done Poll Pool Party!

The Totally Real City of Sullivan, Indiana is feeling patriotic (and slightly panicked about public perception) this Fourth of July! 🇱🇷🎆 Mayor Nibbles’ “I’m Fun Too” Image Rehab Bash
(formerly known as “Stars & Stripes Bash”)📅 When: Friday, July 4 | 6:00pm–11:00pm
📍 Where: The same pool previously deemed too dangerous for 21+ eventsCome celebrate freedom, fireworks, and carefully-timed public charm!🍧 First 50 Sno Cones are FREE (because nothing screams leadership like buying your approval in flavored ice)
🍹 21+ Top Deck Cash Bar: now safe and city-endorsed, thanks to selective and hypocrtical outrage
🎇 Fireworks at 10pm: just enough sparkle to distract from the pot holes in the streets and leadership
💵 Admission is FREE!
(Fine print may include vague loyalty oaths)#LetsPARTY #ParodyParty #Freedom2BHypocritical #SullivanINEvents

June 22, 2025:

PACERS, BABY! 🏀

GAME 7 READY, SULLIVAN INDIANA!
Tonight is the night. The Indiana Pacers are fighting for it all in Game 7 of the NBA Finals, and Sullivan is showing up strong.Mayor Nibbles is already in his usual seat, front row with a foam finger in one paw and a sash so bright it violated the arena’s light policy.Whether you’re watching from home, a packed bar, or standing outside someone else’s window pretending you’re invited, this is our time to cheer.From the people to the peanut gallery, from the parks to wherever Nibbles keeps finding these VIP passes, we are all in this together.Let’s go, Pacers. Finish strong and bring it home. 🏆#Game7 #GoPacers #FaceOfSullivan #JustMayorStuff #NibblesAlwaysFrontRow

June 18, 2025:

Life-Changing Donation to the Sullivan City Volunteer Fire Department!

Thank you to the WIN Energy REMC Board for their generous $7,599 donation to the newly renamed Sullivan City Volunteer Fire Department!Now, some may say “$7,599 isn’t much,” but luckily, with no more full-time staff using electricity 24/7, that should easily cover a whole year of power before we inevitably close down our station and park the firetrucks in that empty lot where the hotel was going to go. 🚒And sure, one more dollar would’ve made it a nice, even number, but who needs money, or paychecks, or financial security for their family? Not our one volunteer firefighter!#TakeTimetoVolunteer #BudgetFriendlyHero #RunningACityIsSoEasy #SullivanIndiana #SatiricalParody

June 18, 2025:

Severe Weather Warning!
maybe

“CodeACORN Alert System Now Live!” 🐿️Mayor Nibbles is proud to announce the launch of CodeACORN, a totally real emergency alert system that delivers critical updates using vape clouds as smoke signals, encoded messages written in lemon juice on paper, and calculated head tilts when we accidentally make eye contact in public.And yes, CodeACORN is ten times more accurate than radar, satellite, or common sense combined. You think Jesse Walker could predict the weather this accurately? Be so fr besties. 💅🏻To register, simply call Sullivan City Hall and politely leave your name, number, and the word “ACORNS.” They’ll pretend they don’t understand, they might even hang up on you…𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘭𝘭 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯.#CodeACORN #PoolPartyTime? #JustMayorStuff #SullivanIN #JDDoesntEvenGoHere #Parody

June 14, 2025:

Sullivan Celebrates the Flags!

Today, on June 14th, we honor the flag as it was adopted as the American flag in 1777 as a symbol of unity, freedom, and national identity. 🇺🇸(Yes, the 𝘈𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘯 flag - we definitely posted the correct flag this time. No, we didn’t add a guy to payroll to check all flags, smh. That’s slander if you say we did.)Tomorrow, at the Sullivan Youth Sports Complex, we cheer for kids ripping them off each other in pursuit of the highest honor Sullivan has to offer: football legends. 🏈#SullivanINNews #TwoFlagsOneSullivan #JuicedByJoink #Parody

June 13, 2025:

The Mystery of July 31:

We’re not saying anything ever happens in this city without our knowledge… but whatever ‘it’ is that’s happening on July 31? File a permit and drop off some tickets. We might want to come.👊: #WeddingOrStreetFight?
🤑: #PermitPending
💜: #SullivanIndiana
💛: #SullivanEvents
🛸: #July31

June 10, 2025:

DEPUTY MAYOR OF VIBES, ROBIN, HOSTS CRITICAL SEMINAR:
“How to Win Facebook Fights.”

This seminar focuses on proper messaging, emoji interpretation, and how to properly communicate and converse in heated online debates.“I feel strongly that online arguments are how true changes are made,” the Deputy Mayor said. “We’ve seen it over and over again in history: if you argue something loudly enough on Facebook, changes will absolutely follow.”Deputy Mayor Robin wants the community to remember:
1️⃣: ‘Believe what you want.’ = ‘I do not have evidence to support my position.’2️⃣: ‘Bless your heart.’ = ‘GFY’.3️⃣: ‘I’m done.’ = ‘I just realized I can’t win this argument.’4️⃣: ‘Your point?’ = You all lost the plot 20 comments ago and you can’t quite remember what you were even debating before you brought up the other persons criminal history, romantic encounters, and untweezed eyebrows.When asked for his opinion on the seminar and its current necessity within the community, Mayor Nibbles was unavailable for comment and mumbled something about ‘waiting for the storm to pass’.Thank you, Deputy Mayor of Vibes, for TAKING TIME TO CARE ABOUT INTERNET ARGUMENTS! 💜💛#TakeTimeToLaugh
#JustDeputyMayorStuff
#SullivanIndiana
#SmallTownBigFun
#SatiricalSullivan

June 8, 2025:

In a bold move that absolutely no one asked for, Mayor Nibbles has issued his first official proclamation:

City council meetings are now to be conducted exclusively through interpretive dance.
Why? Because apparently “talking didn’t fix anything,” and “neither did the last guy.”🧣 Colorful scarves? Encouraged.
💃 Choreographed outrage? Required.
🎭 Understanding what the hell is going on? As always, optional.Public commentary will now be submitted via aggressive jazz hands, synchronized arm movements, and the wave of your oh so pretty scarf. And if you’re confused? Good. That’s how government has always worked here.Mayor Nibbles signed this proclamation using paw prints and too much legal authority. The City is now accepting song requests for future meetings. They can be submitted to the other City of Sullivan page via the comment section.We’re behind you all the way, Mayor Nibbles. 🫡#JuicedByJoink #SullivanINNews #ChatGPTRunsThisPageToo #Satire #PieCity

June 6, 2025:

Mayor Nibbles stopped by a local lemonade stand today to support the Sullivan Humane Society - now that it’s officially within city limits. 🍋

With 1.5 miles of strategic relocation behind them, the Humane Society has finally crossed the invisible line between “not our problem” and “let’s help our friends!!”The real credit forever goes to the young girls running the stand, who poured their hearts into raising money for shelter pets - no strings attached, no headlines requested, just two big hearts. 💛Meanwhile, Mayor Nibbles was seen clutching a lemonade and a conveniently timed protest sign, proudly leveraging kindness he didn’t cultivate.🐾 Moral of the story? Don’t underestimate the power of girls, dogs, or geographic technicalities.(If you’d like to really support the Humane Society and the thoughtful young citizens who are leading the charge: Squeeze the Day will be set up in front of the Civic Center from 10am-4pm tomorrow)#NibblesSupportsSullivan
#NeverMissAPhotoOp
#JustMayorStuff
#StrategicKindness
#TakeTimeToFixYourReputation
#Parody

June 6, 2025:

We heard there was drama about the pool, so Mayor Nibbles launched a bold new initiative:JelloVision 2025

Why waste water when you can enhance it with 600 boxes of lime Jello mix and a dream?“It’s fun. It’s fruity. It’s a little thicker than expected,” said Deputy Mayor of Vibes, Robin-from-the-Park.Sadly, the health department did not share the vision. They used words like ‘unacceptable’, ‘concerning’, and allegedly ‘blatant violations of health codes’ according to someone who clearly doesn’t get Jello culture.So! The pool is sadly closed all weekend while we pivot to a less snackable version of summer.See you Monday. Bring a s̶p̶o̶o̶n̶ lifevest or whatever.#JelloVision2025
#MayorNibbles #RunningACityIsEasierWithoutTheHealthDept
#Parody
#SatiricalButActuallyClosed

June 5, 2025:

Roads are thing of the past, Sullivan is now embracing:
NIBBLES KART!

After a rigorous town poll (hosted exclusively in the back of the Casey’s where some of us are still welcome at), Sullivan citizens voted 11 to 2 to fund Mario Kart-style street enhancements as the town’s official plan for economic growth.DPW crews spent time laying rainbow strips down West Johnson Street and West Washington Street. Rain or shine, some of these guys deliver every time. 👏#NibblesKart #BringingBusinessOneBananaAtATime #SullivanSpeedway #TakeTimeToLaugh #JustMayorStuff #Satire

June 5, 2025:

📣 Official Statement from Mayor Nibbles 🐿️

“Citizens of Sullivan, I want to start by saying: this rain is not my fault. I know some of you have accused me of bringing in ‘outsider clouds’ and letting the ‘deep puddle state’ take over our favored downtown. I assure you: I remain committed to dry socks and sunny skies.Unfortunately, it seems the sky has sprung a leak, and despite our best efforts (which mostly involved shaking our tiny fists at it), the rain continues.”🚨 Effective immediately:🚫 CANCELED:
- The “Annual Sidewalk Expansion Planning On The Sidewalks Meeting”
- The Sunshine Appreciation Parade (moved to December, pending forecast)✅ STILL HAPPENING:
- Competitive puddle jumping on the square (Peppa Pig is not allowed to attend this event, never again)
- Passive-aggressive lawn mowing in the rain to prove dominance and manliness over natureCitizens are advised to remain indoors unless you’re actively filming a dramatic breakup scene for a Hallmark audition.🌧️ Take time to stay dry. Or dance in the rain. I don’t care - that’s the police’s problem until Saturday morning at 8am.
- Mayor Nibbles#RainyWithAChanceOfPoorDecisions
#BrbFilingAnHRComplaintAgainstTheSky
#CityofSullivan
#SoggySullivan
#Satire

June 3, 2025:

SULLIVAN DID SOMETHING COOL!!

Normally we would never post about a sport that isn’t football, but we’re making an exception since this is apparently ‘historic’, ‘legendary’, and ‘totally badass’.🎱 Sullivan Team ‘Nailed It’ is headed to the APA World Championship in Vegas. This is the first time any team from Sullivan has made it this far.
And to add milestoneses on milestones: Rachel Timms is officially the first woman from Sullivan to ever compete on the world stage. 🏆So buy a ball. Support a baddie. Pretend you totally care about a sport with no bleachers, helmets, or marching bands (yet). ✨#NailedIt #APAChampionship #SullivanGoesToVegas #TakeTimeToCareAboutOtherSports #SullivanHistory

June 2, 2025:

SPORTS STUFF!! 🏀🏈

Good luck to the Sullivan High School (checks notes intern wrote on a napkin…) bowling-ball(?) team in tonight’s sectional championship! Go hit some touchdowns! Block some birdies!
It’s important that the other teams have fun, but for our team? Focus only on WINNING. 🔥⚾️⚽️#TakeTimeToLaugh
#runningacityissoeasy
#SupportLocalKidsWithBats
#Parody

June 2, 2025:

🐿️ Nature Is Healing (and So Is Our Reputation, Finally):

What a stunning weekend in my city! Under my rule, the humans scattered joyfully across the land - biking, walking, sugar-rushing, and giving off the kind of relaxed energy that says “we’ve sipped the Kool-Aid and it’s super delicious.”🚲The kid on the bike? Definitely following the road laws and not evading taxes.
🧺That picnic table? Reserved for my cabinet of pigeons/ we meet the third Tuesday of the month unless there’s a protest planned.
🦤The robin? My Deputy Mayor of Good Vibes.
🛝The park? Crawling with crumbs for me to snatch up in the secrecy of nightfall.It feels good to be in Sullivan.#TakeTimeToLaugh
#RunningACityIsSoEasy
#JustMayorStuff
#CityOfSullivan
#Satire

June 1, 2025:

Welcome MAYOR NIBBLES!

With no family beside him (because he bit them all), Mayor Nibbles proudly took the oath of office with trembling paws and an uneaten peanut in his mouth.His campaign slogan, “I can’t be worse than the last guy,” resonated so deeply with voters that he won by a landslide - though some have now claimed that their vote was stolen from them against their will. 🗳️While there may be disagreements in the community, Mayor Nibbles believes in climbing toward progress, gnawing through red tape, and always hissing when startled.Mayor Nibbles thanks the people of Sullivan for their trust, their easily accessed trash cans, and their unwavering support as he leads the city with zero experience and zero tolerance for ribbons that aren’t walnut flavored.Here’s to a new era of government, a better era of government. 🐿️#PieCity #JuicedByJoink #ChatGPTRunsThisPageToo #SullivanINNews #Satire

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SATIRE/PARODY Disclaimer:

Satire is a form of humor that uses irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize different aspects of society - often with the goal of sparking reflection.
Parody is a humorous imitation of a specific person, genre, work, or style - exaggerating its features to make fun of it or highlight its absurdity. It mocks how something is presented, not necessarily why it exists.This website is both and is not a direct reflection of the author’s view of the City of Sullivan nor their view or opinion on any governing body within or above it. This website exists solely to spread laughter and community merriment.

I DID THREE SEMESTERS OF PRE-LAW:

This website, CityofSullivan.com, is a parody and satire project protected under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution. All content is intended for humorous and critical commentary. Use of public names, likenesses, and events falls within the legal bounds of satire and parody as established by federal case law.This site is privately owned and operated by Jessalyn Norris, and is not affiliated with the City of Sullivan or any official governing body. Ownership of this domain is lawful and does not imply endorsement, association, or confusion with any government entity.Attempts to suppress this content may constitute a violation of constitutional free speech protections.